Thank Merlin
by Jollyfish
Summary: "Think about it," said James. "If I was a book I'd be able to travel around in Evans' bag and be able to listen in to every conversation she would ever have." James, Sirius and Remus discuss James' fantasy life as a book in Lily's school bag. One-Shot!


Well hello there lovely readers! Having finished exams, and getting back from a D of E practice expedition yesterday, I decided to upload this one shot for you all. I had fun writing this, so I do hope you enjoy it. Please do tell me of any mistakes I've made!

And on a last note: unfortunately Harry Potter does not belong to me, but to J.K Rowling.

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Thank Merlin

"Prongs, what the hell are you doing?" questioned Sirius as he strode over to the fire from the dormitory stairs. He peered over James' shoulder. "Good lord! Is that a book?"

James sighed into the pages, "Yes, a very large book-"

"With really small writing," interrupted Sirius, snatching it out of his James' hands and walking around the sofa to sit next to him. "Why are you reading it?"

James buried his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses. "I have no bloody idea! I don't understand how Evans read the whole thing. It's so painfully long and... Boring."

"Evans read this? Gave this to you, did she?" asked Sirius, placing it back on James' lap.

"No," replied James, "Got it from the library."

Sirius smirked, "So Evans _told_ you about this book did she?"

"No-" Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "I err- yes. You see... She was putting it back on the shelves."

"And you thought it would be good to go and see that what Miss Evans was reading was sensible and age appropriate?" said Sirius, putting on his best McGonagall like impression.

"What? NO!" shouted James, his eyes popping out of his head. "I just wanted to see what she was reading so I could bring it up- you know- casually in conversation."

"Ahhh I see, well that's all you needed to say in the first place."

"It sounded like you were stalking her," Remus said, coming down the stairs, and joining Sirius and James in front of the fire. Sirius laughed and James frowned.

"I wasn't stalking her! I was following her...inconspicuously. And technically it wasn't Lily I was following, it was the book."

"But who was carrying the book?"

"Erm, Evans." Sirius and Remus smiled. "Fine, it was Lily! You win."

"What's the book about?" Remus grabbed the book from James' knee.

"Something about Merlin? I don't know! I haven't got past the first chapter. It's not been sinking in."

Remus flicked through the old pages and nodded. "Yep, you're right. It's about Merlin."

"Why doesn't she read anything interesting?" groaned James.

"That's just Evans isn't it? People like different stuff Prongs," said Sirius. "Read something you both like: something you have in common."

James thought for a moment- his eyebrows knitted together in immense concentration. He glanced at Remus for help, who just shrugged.

"Holy moleskin Prongs! You don't have any mutual connection with Lily at all, do you?" exclaimed Sirius. "You have known her- what- six whole years? You are completely obsessed with her; going to all these lengths just to speak to her civilly and you don't know what you have in common? This book probably knows more about Lily than you do!"

"It probably does you know," sighed James, picking the book out of Moony's hands and aimlessly flicking through the pages with his fingers. "Oh what I would give to be this book."

Remus chuckled to himself quietly, shaking his head.

"No seriously, Remus," said James. "Think about it. If I was a book I'd be able to travel around in Evans' bag and be able to listen in to every conversation she would ever have."

"And then we could give you the title, 'James Potter Supreme Evans Stalker,'" added Sirius, gliding one hand out in front of him.

"No. No! I'm not stalking her. No one apart from the stalker benefits from stalking. What I am doing: Evans and I will both benefit. I get a date with Lily and she gets a date with me," said James smugly. "I'd be able to woo her with my excellent uhh... knowledge."

"You would benefit from this a lot more than Lily," muttered Remus.

"What's that Remus?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow and smirked, as he leant back on the sofa. "Are you implying that Lily wouldn't like her date with Prongs?"

"I'm not implying anything of the sort!"

"Then what did you mean?" asked James, leaning forward.

"Well, if we were going on the basis that this 'Prongs- Book' had human senses, like you said, James wouldn't just be able to hear everything Lily did, he'd be able to- you know..." Remus lifted up his hands and brought his thumbs and index fingers together in circles and held them up to his eyes like glasses.

"-SEE EVERYTHING SHE DID!" shouted Sirius, sitting up and staring at Remus. "Moony, you crafty devil!"

Remus blushed and put his feet up on a foot stool.

"So what you're saying," said James. "Is that I'd be able to see every move Evans makes?"

"Yep, that sounds about right."

James looked puzzled. "But I see Evans all the time, what difference is that going to make? I could just keep on stalk- following her, and it would be exactly the same wouldn't it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at James. "You don't catch on do you Prongs?"

"Elaborate for me."

"Evans doesn't just leave her bag around in the common room does she?" Sirius explained patronisingly. "She takes it up to the dorms with all of her other junk that is rattling around in there. If you were in her bag, you'd go up there too. AND if you were her latest victim, she'd probably take you out for a good read and pop you on her bed side table."

"If you had so called, 'book eyes,'" Remus carried on. "You would be able to see the entire goings on in the girls' dorms and they wouldn't even realise... The ENTIRE goings on."

James' eyes widened and he stared at Remus.

"I'd see Evans starkers," James whispered unbelievably. "And she wouldn't even know."

He leant back into the sofa, staring into space in absolute disbelief. Remus' voice however, interrupted his though process.

"Sadly though Prongs, it is never going to happen. I refuse to change you into a book. Imagine if Lily put you back on the shelves, we'd never find you again."

James frowned at Remus, and then quickly turned to Sirius with a big grin on his face. Sirius shook his head apologetically.

"I agree with Moony, mate. I'd hate to be the cause of your untimely death. I'd happily go in your place though. Not in Lily's bag-another one- obviously."

Remus barked out a laugh. "I could join you Padfoot."

"You two are allowed to go, but I'm not?" interjected James. "That's unfair!"

"But Prongs, you are Quidditch captain," said Remus, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It wouldn't be good if you disappeared; Gryffindor would lose, and Professor McGonagall would hate you."

"How would you get up there in the first place?" asked James. "If Sirius changes into a book, he sure as hell isn't going to be able to change you- books can't hold wands. And I won't be doing it, and neither will Pete."

"You can't answer for Pete!"

"Yes I can," argued James.

"I wouldn't be going up as a book anyway, so I _could _change Moony," said Sirius. "I'd go as Padfoot. The girls would love a good dog."

"Hey, you can't do that. That's- I could go as Prongs!"

Remus looked aghast at James, "You can't go up there as Prongs. As a stag, James, be serious."

"Oh all right." James grumbled and chucked the book on the floor next to his school bags. "Do you think I could change my animagus into a book? Just as a temporary thing? Then if Evans put me back in the Library I could just morph back and jump down off the shelves."

"Not to crush you dreams," said Remus. "Even if we did transfigure you into a book, you wouldn't get past the wards on the girls' staircase- you are still a guy. It'd be a bit fishy wouldn't it? Lily tries to walk up the stairs and constantly slides back down."

"How do you know that I wouldn't get past the wards as a book? It's not as if anyone has ever tried it. It's not normal for people to transfigure into a book. Godric won't have thought of that as book morphing a possibility."

"You don't want to be caught though, 'cause Evans will see you as the stalker you really are; then you don't have a chance," said Sirius, prodding a cushion with his wand and changing it into different colours.

"I will have a chance."

"I didn't mean with Evans. I meant at life. She'd bloody kill you."

The Marauders fell silent and pulled out reams of parchment from their bags and began to trawl through homework due in in a couple of days. James balanced his ink pot on the arm of the sofa and started to scratch down his Herbology essay. After about a quarter of an hour had passed, James sighed and looked up at Sirius.

"I don't have a chance do I."

Sirius put down his quill and leaned back into the Sofa. "You have as much as a chance as everyone else does." Seeing James' miserable expression he grinned and said, "But, if it comes down to it, _I'll_ change you into a book."

James smiled and carried on writing. "Thanks Padfoot. That means a lot."

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That weekend, all four of the Marauders sat in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Sirius, Remus and Peter were discussing the vast amounts of snow that had blanketed Hogwarts over the weekend, and laughing at the first years they could see rolling in it from the window. James however, was sitting cross legged on a rug, finishing reading the book about Merlin. It was nearing the end of the final chapter when a flash of red hair caught his eye. Lily Evans jumped down the last step from the girls' dormitories, carrying a towel and worn out book. James peered around the side of the sofa to watch Lily chat with her friends.

"Hey Evans," called James, signalling her to come closer. "What's the name of that book?"

Lily walked over and looked down at him puzzlingly and handed it to him. "Why?"

"I need a good book to read, and you're in the library loads so I thought you might know some," James smiled and handed the book back. "Are you going there now, because I might come?"

Lily studied James and then glanced over the top of James' head at the other Marauders, who were now watching them with fascination, and then back at James.

"Well, I was going to go to the prefects' bathroom," said Lily holding up her towel.

James' eyes widened, "With the book?" he stammered.

Lily's eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Yeah, with the book."

"What are you going to do with it?" asked James, completely unaware of his friends' silent laughter.

"I'm going to read it," answered Lily abruptly. "What's with the twenty questions? It's not a crime to read in the bath!"

Sirius let out a chortle of laughter. James glared at him and then looked uncomfortably back at Lily.

"Sorry, it doesn't matter; don't mind them, they-"

Lily cut him off, "Sometimes Potter you are really odd. I'll see you later."

Lily clutched the book and the towel against her chest and strode off towards the portrait hole, leaving James watching her retreating figure. As soon as the portrait swung shut James leapt up and bounded over to Sirius.

"Please!" he begged, shaking Sirius' shoulders. "Please turn me into a book!"

Sirius patted James' shoulder. "I'm sorry Prongs but that is just too dangerous. You might drown in the bath."

"I honestly don't care. Please, you said you would!"

"Not under these circumstances. No way. Go and consult Merlin he'll know what to do. Actually, go and try and have a decent conversation with Evans. It might do some good. Go and talk about Merlin and that stupid book. Go on!"

James tried to read Sirius' face for any signs of sarcasm but didn't see any. He grabbed the book off the floor and ran from the common room. "Thanks mate," James shouted as he ran from the common room. Sirius sat on the sill and began to watch the snow stick to the window.

"How is that going to do any good?" asked Remus, joining Sirius.

"I don't know," said Sirius shaking his head. "But if Merlin can't get those two together, no one can."

Peter and Remus laughed.

It was only minutes later however, on the fifth floor, just next to the statue of Boris the Bewildered, that Lily and James shared their first civil conversation. James wooed Lily with his excellent uhh... knowledge, and surprisingly, both the Gryffindors had something in common to talk about (even if it was due to James' inconspicuous following.)

Thank Merlin for that.

THE END

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If you have 30 seconds to spare or aren't doing revision, please leave a review, they make my day! Enjoy the Bank Holiday tomorrow, and remember to click on that button below:) Thank you!

Jollyfish x


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